Having Faith is Really, Really Hard.

Yesterday, the Lord gave me these verses:   2 Corinthians 4:6-18

I’ve been losing my sense of hope for some reason.  I was asking myself where God was.  I was flipping through the Bible trying to just read anything, and the last thing I read were these verses.  I found myself having a dialogue with God and also with myself in my head, asking how I felt about these verses.

For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

Not gonna lie, it’s been feeling pretty dark lately.  I know I’ve been learning to boast in my weakness, for when I am weak You are strong.  It would be such a huge privilege to know you are storing your glory in this beat up jar, but it doesn’t feel like it sometimes.  It’s almost too good to be true, and what should it feel like as a jar of clay that has this power in it?

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.  So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

Oh man, this does not feel true of me.  I feel hard pressed, but I feel crushed.  I am perplexed and in despair because of what I don’t understand.  I feel so fragile that if I were struck down, I would be destroyed.  Okay, I can acknowledge carrying around the death of Jesus, but I need the life of Jesus in order to sustain me.  If I only had the former and not the latter, then I would have no hope.  Where is this life that should be revealed?

I feel like a bad witness of the Lord.  Aren’t I supposed to be more stable when I have the life of Jesus?  Shouldn’t I be able to withstand all adversity?  It causes me to doubt that the Lord is there or with me sometimes.  I also wonder if I am just a weak-spirited person, weaker than others.  This makes me feel ashamed.  But putting things in perspective, here is the pro of fighting this battle constantly in my life to not be crushed, in despair, abandoned, or destroyed: There is never a dull moment in my life.  I can never fell comfortable in my spiritual life because I ALWAYS feel like I’m fighting for this joy and hope.  I may be more sensitive than others, but at least it causes me to pursue the Lord on a constant basis.  Or, maybe I’m not more sensitive, but I just see reality more clearly.

It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.”  With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence.  All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

A spirit of faith…something I lack.  This is what I need to believe, that, through faith, I can confidently say that through my trials God will always be raising us just as he has raised Christ from the dead.  Paul is awesome.  I wish I could have that perspective that these things would lead me to giving thanks and that it is for my benefit.  That would be nice, but I am too selfish to see things through that lens sometimes.

Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

You know, even if I didn’t believe these verses before I read them or even while I read them, just reading them gives me more strength.  Paul’s words encourage me, because it reminds me that this is how it should be.  Being reminded of these things allows the Holy Spirit to do a work in me.  I may not have been turning to God in faith, but deep down I know His Word is the only place I can turn to.  That is why I was so hungry for the scripture last night, even throughout my lack of faith.

Then a wave hit me when I read verse 18.  All my doubts never get me anywhere.  How difficult it is to believe and not see!  But I am not alone in thinking this, or Paul wouldn’t have written it.

Okay God, I won’t lose heart.  May your eternal glory outweigh everything else in this world.

Merry Christmas, Las Vegas.

Christmas is pictured as cozy time at home spent with the family.  Carolers outside your door, Christmas lights illuminating the street.   At this time on Christmas eve, some families may be opening their first gift.  Some are leaving cookies and milk out for Santa.  The little ones are being tucked in as visions of  dancing sugar-plums will prove that this generation of children is delusional.

My experience may be just a little different.  This Christmas eve, my magical night is spent in the Encore hotel and casino overlooking the Wynn in the spirited town of Las Vegas.  That’s right, I’m spending Christmas in Vegas with my parents!

The check-in at the Encore.

The reflection through my window and the Wynn hotel outside.

View from my window on the 61st floor.

I like to tell people about these plans because everyone will think that I am so cool for being in Vegas for Christmas with my party-animal parents.  I’m like “Yeah, I know right?  So Awesome!”, but on the inside I’m thinking “what on EARTH am I going to do with my PARENTS in VEGAS for 4 DAYS…?”  Today, the journey began…

My parents apparently had some great deal to spend 3 nights in the Encore.  The problem is that my mom had to work on New Year’s eve, so my parents came up with the efficient plan of having me and my dad drive together to Vegas and having my mom fly in and meet us after work.  My mom would arrive in Vegas at 9:30 and my father and I would arrive at 11 am to get our room at the hotel.  Wait…11 am?  Daddy wants to leave at 6 or 7 in the morning to “get an upgrade” on our room somehow.  First thought: omg so early.  Second thought: what are Daddy and I going to do in Vegas together for 10 HOURS?  Well, luckily, we left at 7:45 so I could in sleep SO much longer.  Then we headed out on our trek.  Actually, first we locked the doors, then double checked them, then forgot something in the house, opened the door, then locked the door, then double checked it, then Mommy needed us to grab something for her…etc.  Then we were on our way!

Four and a half hour car ride, 9 hours hanging out in Vegas.  Dad and daughter time.  We stopped by Starbucks on the way together, talked about evolution and music and God together, checked into our hotel together, gambled together, ate dinner at KFC together (they ran out of chicken…what?), drove by pictures of half-naked women (and men) everywhere together, picked up Mommy from the airport together.  In the hotel room, my dad set up his electronic chess set and I took a 2 hour nap.  My dad’s been playing chess on that thing nonstop for the last few days since he played some random guy in a mall food court.  After dinner, my dad pretty much forced me gamble and I lost $10.  I warned him that I wasn’t very lucky.

Airport, round 2.  We get to the parking lot pretty smoothly .  On the way to my mom’s gate, my dad stops 3 different employees to ask them where we should be going.  My mom’s flight comes early, and she comes walking in linking arms and chatting it up with some random Korean woman that she made a friends with on the plane somehow.  My mom was wearing white shoes that are made without shoelaces, and the Korean woman had asked my mom if she broke her leg.  I guess her shoes looked like two casts.  We offered her a ride to the MGM but she insisted on taking a taxi.  That was that.

Now, it is 11:00 at night, and I’m blogging in my hotel room while my parents “walk around,” a.k.a. use the slot machines.  Let’s pray that we have enough money for gas on the way home.

Disclaimer: My parents are not addicted gamblers or anything.  And, as my dad would put it, I might as well “kill two pterodactyls with one lava rock” and tell you that the talk with my dad on the way over was good!  He had been pondering the church message we heard last sunday.  The thing he doesn’t quite grasp the concept that Christ paid for our sins, and to tell you the truth, it’s something I always need to examine more and understand as well.  Praying .

“Sent” Makes Sense

What does it really mean to be a Christian?  It means to live as a missionary wherever you are.  As some of you may have heard before, there is a Vertical aspect and a Horizontal aspect to our Christian lives.  The vertical aspect is your relationship with God.  This is of the utmost importance, because every action we do and every corner of our lives should be characterized by how closely we walk with our Lord.  The horizontal aspect is how we treat and interact with other people.  I will talk about this for the remainder of this entry.

Part of me believes that Jesus leaves us here on this planet longer after we have received Him in order to share him with others.  If his only concern was for me to be with Him, then He could have taken me up right when I believed in Him and was saved.  So what am I supposed to do with the remainder of the time that I know Him, but do not yet get to experience Him in the fullness of His glory?  Living for and experiencing his glory should start now.  He wants us to experience His glory by deepening our walks with Him, (2 Pet 3:8),  but that’s not all.  Peter urges us to “grow in the grace and the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,” but that does not mean to live a life of Christian self-indulgence and ever-increasing knowledge that affects only ourselves and no one else.   In fact, if we want to “grow in the…knowledge of our Lord,” then we should know how and why Jesus lived on this earth.  Jesus said that the reason he came was “to seek and save what was lost.” (Luke 19:10).   In addition, Paul says that he wants to experience the fellowship of sharing in Christ’s sufferings.  To truly know Christ is to live like him. We too must seek and save the lost.  I think he leaves us here longer to share Him with others.  It should also be said that a major way we grow in our faith and bring glory to God is by living missionally.  You will be more challenged than you ever thought possible and know Him in ways you could would not have when you start serving Him BY serving others.

What does it look like to be a missionary?  Webster’s dictionary defines a missionary as one who is sent on a mission.  One who IS SENT.   We are all sent ones.  I believe that if we had a true understanding of the Lord’s heart, we would understand that every soul that leaves this earth without knowing Jesus as his Savior is a complete and utter tragedy.  Does it burden your heart to know that people worldwide do not know the amazing grace given by our Lord?  Even more personal, does it burden you to know that some of your friends and family do not know the Lord?  Do you realize that every day we may be overlooking tons of opportunities to save someone’s spiritual life?  Ask God how you should respond to these questions!

I should clarify that being a missionary does NOT mean that we must physically relocate ourselves, but it does mean that we should be seeking the lost with our lives.  There are 5 ways to be a missionary.   (Borrowed from Todd Ahrend.)

1. Going.

2. Praying.

3. Sending.

4. Welcoming.

5.Mobilizing.

The Goer is the one we usually associate with missions.  These are the ones who physically go somewhere to serve.  ”Going somewhere” might mean going exactly where you are to serve and tell people the gospel.  The Prayers are critical in having a heart to pray for the world and for the lost.  The Sender is one who may stay in the home church but work to send others all over the world.  One may send by supporting financially.  The Welcomer is the one in the place who accepts and greets the incoming Goer.  The Mobilizer is one who tells people that they need to perform any number of these 5 actions.  The mobilizer rallies people up.

Let’s give an example.  I was at a conference in Korea called Campus Mission ’07.  The conference had 20,000 people from all over the world who knew the Lord.  We worshipped together, ate together, and prayed together for the rest of the world.  It was an amazing experience.  Here I met an African man had grown up in Africa, was saved, and then began doing full-time missions there.  We had such an inspiring conversation with him, to seeing his heart for the lost and knowing that people are serving God all over the world.  He said that there is always more help needed in Africa.  He was a Welcomer, asking us to be Goers.  The conference we were at was a Mobilizer.  I did not feel that the Lord was calling me to go to Africa, so I wanted to be a Prayer and a Sender.  I have actively supported friends who have been to Africa, as well as World Vision projects like Impact 1.

There is, however, a huge need for Goers.  There are almost 1 billion people in the Muslim world, and they are unreached.  one sixth of the world is Muslim, yet there is on average only ONE missionary for every 1 million people there.  In Laos, 2% of the people are Christian.  Christians there are killed for their faith.  I met 2 girls from Laos at the Conference in Korea who were risking their very lives in order to worship with us.  Crazy!  In China there are over 1 billion people and most people have never heard the gospel.  When asked what they believe in, they will respond with “I believe in myself” or “the government.”  However, the gospel is spreading quickly!  The people are hungry to know Christ.  In California, within the past year and a half two Asian American students from Cal Poly SLO have taken their own lives because they had nothing else to live for.  Do this things compel you?  As Holly Sheldon says, it is not okay to not be sent.   The cost is far too high to not be sent.

The fact of the matter is that every minute, 100 people die worldwide.  One to two people per second enter eternity.  How many of them leave this life knowing Christ?  Well, you’ll never know unless you start asking them before it’s too late!  Be sent.  It just makes sense!